Lady Gaga has contracted an embarrassing case of Crotch Spiders.
Last night while at a benefit in Ottawa supporting NHL hockey players with HIV, the singer had to cut short her performance as the tiny spiders began crawling out of her vagina at an alarming rate, covering her body with menstrual blood in the process.
“For most of the month the spiders are content to stay within the confines of her vagina,” said Doctor Cory Wouters, an expert on Crotch Spiders. “But when there is a heavy menstrual flow, the poor little guys have no where else to go.”
Added Wouters, “The lucky ones made it to her mouth.”
Wouters added that the spider’s large egg-sacks could easily be mistaken for testicles, which could explain the rumors surrounding Lady Gaga having male sex organs.”
“That, or she could just be some sort of creepy he-she tranny thing,” Dr. Wouters said.