Jersey Shore’s Ronnie Is a Fighting Machine We Must Recruit


So many of the Jersey Shore cast members have great bodies, but only use them to carry on fornicating with feeble-minded American men and women. Ronnie however, appears to have both the body and spirit of a warrior, something that the Allah faithful could really use these days.

Demonstrating Ronnie’s predisposition to fighting is a recent indictment for 3rd-degree assault on a man in 2009. Now, 3rd-degree assault is either 2 degrees more badass than 1st-degree assault or 2 degrees less. We don’t know. We’re not lawyers. In fact, we can’t even read. A young Spanish boy is actually typing this for us.

Anyway…Ronnie. While The Situation’s name inspires fear in even the most hardened men, we feel with Ronnie’s great size, orange hue, and warrior spirit, he may be able to take on the infidels from the inside out. Besides we will not need to outfit him with GPS because we can always see his spiked hair, a beacon of hope and the promise of a better day.